Positive vibes only is effecting your health

You’re at work dealing with a mountain inbox, there’s an unsettling atmosphere at work since your manager walked in the office on the war path, you’ve got way too much on your plate, chronic back pain, and on top of this your relationship with your partner is going through a rocky stage. You must look stressed as your colleague and friend has turned to you to ask if you’re ok, ‘I’m great thanks!’ you automatically respond and continue to sit in that overwhelm, whilst sipping tea from your ‘Good Vibes Only’ mug.

There’s nothing wrong with sometimes trying to reframe experiences with a positive outlook and often there’s a time and a place to really say how we feel… however when we’re continually denying the ‘negative’ feelings that form our full range of emotions, then it can become a dysfunctional way of coping.

The anger, stress or sadness doesn’t disappear, we have just created a positive state to numb out the discomfort.

If we compulsively repress negative emotions, a few things happen… firstly we create the unconscious belief that we are not strong enough to face our reality and make changes, secondly there is no space for exploration of these feelings, and finally it creates this state that ignores stress and discomfort. Stress left repressed does not make it go away, but according to Gabor Mate in this state ‘the brain’s capacity to evaluate the environment is diminished, including its ability to distinguish what is nourishing from what is toxic‘1.

It’s not a jump to imagine how this kind of state could lead to more stress, repeating the same patterns, staying in situations or relationships that are not good for our mental and physical wellbeing. And there is no doubt that chronic psychological stress weakens immunity, plays a part in chronic pain, and conditions such as auto-immune diseases.

So how can we get get the balance between sharing the negative whilst still trying to have a positive outlook on life?

Firstly it’s recognising that there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling right now. Our full range of emotions are there to be experienced and they can be useful for informing us about ourselves and what might not be working. Making space to express freely is crucial for helping to change any chronic positivity patterns we might hold and gain strength to face our reality.

We can use journaling to let out those repressed feelings, allow an internal dialogue that states the sadness, anger or pain is welcome, but also to share our deepest feelings with another person can be freeing.

The people we become are formed in relationships. Sometimes these relationships leave us with patterns of behaviour that can be unhelpful down the line…however with the capacity to hurt also comes the capacity the heal.

Giving language to your trauma or ‘negative’ feeling in a relationship of safety, therapeutic or otherwise, means we can experience the feeling that all parts of us are worthy of love and acceptance, the most fundamental condition for self growth and releasing shame for those sad, angry and scared parts of ourselves that ‘positive vibes only’ shuts out.

If any of this resonates with you and you’re looking for an empathic space to explore your emotions and patterns of behaviour, read here for more info on the therapeutic services I can offer.

1. Gabor Maté (2019). When the body says no : the cost of hidden stress. London: Vermilion. p246